Can I get a wipe?

Video of the Week: December 13, 2007

Mr. Poopoopachu — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 03:52:28 +0000

This guy’s like the Jim Nantz of poopin’ play-by-play.

…we were waiting for a Bill Murray-esque “It’s in the hole!” call. Didn’t happen.

CAPTION THIS: December 13th

Mr. Poopoopachu — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 02:28:13 +0000

Pam Anderson may be a longtime advocate for animal rights, but she doesn’t appear to have a problem exposing her loyal golden retriever, Star, to new hubby, and habitual abuser, Rick Salomon. But I suppose the dog’s safe – Salomon’s only known for having slain celebrity pussies in the past. (Hooah!)

…we at Wipe wish we could offer a prize for the best photo caption, but we won’t. Don’t let that stop you, though. Write your own caption for this photo above in the comments section and show us just how witty you are.

Poop of the Week: Southie (Boston)

Mr. Poopoopachu — Sun, 09 Dec 2007 19:00:21 +0000

…Wipe’s first reader submission comes courtesy of Brown Pants in Boston. Brown Pants writes:

“These two dumps are the same dump. The first pic was taken on Dec 7th, I then walked by the same dump on Dec 8th and as expected, some poor bastard found it with their foot. But, we benefit. These pics come from the dog shit filled South Boston, MA, East 3rd Street to be exact.”

…thanks and make sure to drop back in on Wipe soon.

“Career, are you in there?”

Mr. Poopoopachu — Sat, 01 Dec 2007 20:01:41 +0000

…no, Hilary, it’s not. But who cares. You’re so foxy nobody cares that you can’t sing or dance.

Feces Navidad

Mr. Poopoopachu — Sat, 01 Dec 2007 18:42:38 +0000

In the spirit of the holiday season, Mr. Poopoopachu would like to share his #1 rated toy this year – Barbie with poopin’ Tanner dog!

…oh how I would have loved to be a fly on the wall for this marketing presentation. I mean, c’mon. WTF!?

Blot!…don’t wipe.

Mr. Poopoopachu — Sat, 01 Dec 2007 14:48:08 +0000

You stepped in it. You brought it home. Now deal with it.

Dog of The Day: December 1, 2007

Mr. Poopoopachu — Sat, 01 Dec 2007 14:07:54 +0000

This is Gumbo, a coon dog from Hancock, NY.

…he’s pooping. Are you catching on to our theme?

Nice ass bag. Is that Coach?

Mr. Poopoopachu — Sat, 01 Dec 2007 03:55:17 +0000

This is the Super Catcher.

Okay, so you don’t have to pick up a heaping, hot pile of dog crap. Great. But you do have to strap your dog into this bizarre contraption, line the o-ring up to your dog’s o-ring, wait for him to fill the accordion-like bag, detach it and seal it up for the garbage.

…or pop the bag of hot trash in the pouch on Fido’s back and let him carry it around the park to show him who’s boss.

Spread it with Wipe

Mr. Poopoopachu — Wed, 14 Nov 2007 03:16:42 +0000

If you’ve seen any of the following, we want you to tell Wipe about it:

Someone sporting a chic plastic bag glove or toting a hot bag of pooooooo.
A doody pervert ogling Fido, while he squats, hunch-backed, hind legs quivering, trying to concentrate on “laying down some spicy brown.”
A pile of dookie on the sidewalk.
Or better, a pile of dookie with a footprint in it.
Or the best, a pile of dookie with a footprint in it followed by a dozen turdy tracks.
A pooch (i.e., animal) having his ass wiped clean by his owner (i.e., human). Not exactly the “giant leap for mankind” that Neil Armstrong had envisioned, huh?

…you get the idea.

Take a photo, speak to the person and/or simply relay the sighting to us here at Can I get a wipe? Submit stories here.

To get you started, here’s a list of NYC’s dog parks.

The Doody Rules

Mr. Poopoopachu — Wed, 14 Nov 2007 02:04:06 +0000

New York City was the first major city in America to put a “pooper scooper” law on the books (1978).

The law, as written in Section 161.03 of the New York City Health Code states: “A person who owns, possesses or controls a dog, cat or other animal shall not permit the animal to commit a nuisance on a sidewalk of any public place, on a floor, wall, stairway or roof of any public or private premises used in common by the public, or on a fence, wall or stairway of a building abutting on a public place.”

…may I suggest an addendum for the purpose of eliminating the weird habit of people standing over pets, gawking, while the animal does its business…

“Section 161.03a: A person who lurks beside a dog, cat or other defecating animal shall be immediately smacked in the teeth, called a creep, and have their nose rubbed in “it.” Said creep is then required to immediately pick the dookie up barehanded and dispose of it in the nearest sewer grate. The nearest passerby to witness a creep is within his/her rights to enforce Section 161.03a of the New York City Health Code.”