“Career, are you in there?”

…no, Hilary, it’s not. But who cares. You’re so foxy nobody cares that you can’t sing or dance.

Blot!…don’t wipe.

You stepped in it.  You brought it home.  Now deal with it.

Spread it with Wipe

If you’ve seen any of the following, we want you to tell Wipe about it:

• Someone sporting a chic plastic bag glove or toting a hot bag of pooooooo.
• A doody pervert ogling Fido, while he squats, hunch-backed, hind legs quivering, trying to concentrate on “laying down some spicy brown.”
• A pile of dookie on the sidewalk.
• Or better, a pile of dookie with a footprint in it.
• Or the best, a pile of dookie with a footprint in it followed by a dozen turdy tracks.
• A pooch (i.e., animal) having his ass wiped clean by his owner (i.e., human). Not exactly the “giant leap for mankind” that Neil Armstrong had envisioned, huh?

…you get the idea.

Take a photo, speak to the person and/or simply relay the sighting to us here at Can I get a wipe? Submit stories here.

To get you started, here’s a list of NYC’s dog parks.

The Doody Rules

New York City was the first major city in America to put a “pooper scooper” law on the books (1978).

The law, as written in Section 161.03 of the New York City Health Code states: “A person who owns, possesses or controls a dog, cat or other animal shall not permit the animal to commit a nuisance on a sidewalk of any public place, on a floor, wall, stairway or roof of any public or private premises used in common by the public, or on a fence, wall or stairway of a building abutting on a public place.”

…may I suggest an addendum for the purpose of eliminating the weird habit of people standing over pets, gawking, while the animal does its business…

“Section 161.03a: A person who lurks beside a dog, cat or other defecating animal shall be immediately smacked in the teeth, called a creep, and have their nose rubbed in “it.” Said creep is then required to immediately pick the dookie up barehanded and dispose of it in the nearest sewer grate. The nearest passerby to witness a creep is within his/her rights to enforce Section 161.03a of the New York City Health Code.”

Laugh till you’re pooped

No pooch. No actual people. But plenty of humor here. Those Japanese sure do “funny” well.

Japanese potty training video, capped off with a live-action commercial

And the lesson learned here is that if we don’t potty train our children properly, we may wind up with filthy little beasts like this…

What’s in a crappy name? No, not corn.

While we sort through all this…er, well, crap, and get the site going, we thought we would share some of the names we considered before Can I get a wipe? floated to the surface.

(Thanks to everyone that shared these craptacularly creative ideas.)

Shits ‘n Trickles
I’m Browning
Watch Me Crap
Noah’s Bark
I Turd You Not
100 Years of Soliturd
Concrete Grundle
Vague Recollections of High School
Pass Me A Magazine
I Shart You
There’s Shit* On My Fur
Ass Blast From The Past
Woof, Woof, Shit
ScatDog
My Dog Defecate My Homework
ButtHowls
Bitches Ain’t Shit
Craptacular
Poop Shoots
Log On
Round Mound of Brown
Brown Paper Bag
Please Curb Your Log
Nervous Dog Face While Pooping With Shaking Hind Legs
Easier On The Eyes Than C Jones*
Pooper Stooper
Stop Or My Dog Will Poop
Peek-A-Poop
Visual Representation of Rex Grossman’s Quarterback Rating
Das Poo
Here’s Looking at Poo
Poopoopachu
Doggie Poop Shoot
Please Look Away
So Embarrassing
I’m So Embarrassed
Blushing Pooper
Pooplog
Poolog
It’s Unfortunate
That’s Unfortunate
Four-legged Feces
Bomz Bomz Bomz
Canine Feces
Feces
Poo’s Now?
Shootin’ Craps
Shit + F5
Crowning Achievements
I’ll Be Over On The Grass Dragging My Ass On The Ground
What Can Brown Do For You?
Poopy Love